Consciously creating a life full of joy
3 companies and 7 cities later: a decade of working & continuously finding myself, only to realize I existed in me all along
I used to ask myself, "how do I design the perfect lifestyle?", when I really should have been asking, "how can I consciously create a life full of joy?".
10 years ago, I co-founded my first company in Singapore. Today, I'm on my 3rd company and the 7th city I've lived in. Some people ask me what I’m running from, and others ask what I’m running towards.
Today, I realize it’s been a decade of working & continuously finding myself — only to realize I existed in me all along.
Some thoughts lately:
On framing
This is so important.
I've gone through phases where I've been:
obsessive over 5am workouts & beauty: which stemmed from insecurity
working non-stop and constantly burnt out: which stemmed from feeling like work defined me
extremely social: which often stems from loneliness
hyper-independent: i think, this comes from the fear of abandonment
I could also reframe this as trying to figure out:
what body shape makes me feel the most confident
what type of work brings me the most fulfillment
who i really want to have in my corner and surround myself with
being comfortable and confident of doing life alone, before I find someone to do life with
Just food for thought.
“Fuck the average”
This is something one of my best friends and I love to say.
The fear of being average has fueled our drive to learn more, do more, travel more, feel more, and build more. We’d explore the world, but take our laptop to work from wherever — on the train to paris, on mountain peaks in St Moritz, and in between parties in Ibiza. Talk about separation anxiety from your laptop.
It reminded me how, one of the biggest push factors for me to leave Singapore was because I personally wanted something different than the conventional path many of my peers were taking.
On raising the bar
The danger of always pushing yourself to be above average is that you don't notice your progress because you keep raising the bar.
I started sending friends company updates too (instead of just my investors), because they remind me to celebrate the milestones.
Investors will chase you to hit the next milestone - you don't have product? Build it. Now you have a product, why don't you have customers? Now you have customers, why don't you have more revenue?
My friends have reminded me that since I started, I've learned how to code, manage a team, raised money, built and rebuilt my product, gained revenue, been asked to speak at conferences, mentor others. Yet, anytime I achieved something, I always focused on where I fell short and looked forward to the next thing.
While this doesn't stop me from pushing for the next milestone and raising the bar, it keeps my spirits up (which is so important as a solo founder). And it also reminds me I'm building this company for myself, not anyone else.
On doing things for yourself
What's helped is taking an inventory check of your life and thinking about where you want to be.
"You'll start impressing people when you stop trying to impress them, and instead try to impress yourself."
Someone I dated 5 years back told me recently that when I said I wanted to move to New York and build my company, he didn't take it seriously because so many people say they want to do things but don't take action on it. And I was just one of the people he's seen in life that really make things happen when I say I would do it.
People respect you when you hold yourself to your word - do what you say you're going to do, achieve what you want to achieve, build confidence and get comfortable in your own skin.
On being a happy person
Can’t emphasize this enough - life is just better when you appreciate the little things and romanticize the little things (imo).
I've chosen to surround myself with some of the most optimistic people on earth — fellow founders (who in some way or another think they can make a dent in the world). They interact with the world differently, and treat people with more kindness because they see the good in them.
As an optimist, if you think something is possible, you'll find a way to make it work. And even if you make mistakes along the way, you'll keep pushing until you make it happen.
On the "perfect" lifestyle
Here's something I learned about the perfect lifestyle — it doesn't exist.
The "perfect", most optimized lifestyle changes all the time. I obsess over different things and optimize differently during different phases of my life. And this looks different for everyone.
I crossed paths with a neurosurgeon earlier this year with a drastically different lifestyle than what I have - consistent routines on repeat, and a clear career trajectory for the next 5 years (at least, if not more).
He's at the other end of the stability spectrum from me, and I just found it fascinating how some people have their next decade planned out while I'm living life by the seasons, and trying to make each season better than the last.
Life lately
Though it's only (officially) been a month of living in San Francisco, I feel like it's brought out a different side of me — I still want to build and live a full life, but I find my schedule less crazy. I had the tendency to aggressively optimize and pack out my schedule when living in New York because of how much I wanted to go out and do things. Art galleries, walking around soho, checking out endless new jazz bars and restaurants.
Here in SF, "doing things" also meant slowing down. Like playing tennis (badly), going on walks (more slowly), and being in nature more.
I am still figuring out if this is what I want for myself, but for now, it's a cute change and I'm enjoying it as I go along.
Here's to a new season and lifestyle that perhaps, might just stick. :)
So…
chase what brings you fulfillment, but don't forget to enjoy the process.
For those chasing money: if you 10x your salary today, would it make you 10x happier? For those chasing a career achievement: Are you enjoying the journey of getting there?
To be so clear, saying all this doesn't make me any less ambitious or obsessive about achieving more and wanting to perform at my optimum. That said, I do realize:
There will always be more to do and improve.
That said, I'm 28, well-travelled & well-loved, healthy & working on the most exciting company of my life (so far)… I might just be living my dream life as is :)
Leaving you with this quote:
"If there's a book that you want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it. The same is true of any endeavor: if the solution you seek doesn't exist, create it."
Some obsessions of late:
French music (a couple of my favorites here)
Cottage cheese & high protein recipes (I discover most on TikTok)
Macadamia & rosemary oil on my hair, castor oil on my skin