how to build conviction

pruning paths to become yourself

Conviction as a Resource

For a long time, I thought time was the scarcest resource. So I optimized for optionality. I kept every door open and said yes to anything that piques my interest. I figured I’d decide what I actually wanted later.

But I’ve come to believe that conviction, not time, is the scarcest resource.

You can have all the time in the world, but without conviction, you’ll spend it wandering. Conviction is the thing that moves you forward when it gets hard, when people doubt you, when you doubt yourself.

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What you care about is your compass

Growing up, many of us were taught to keep our options open. Take consulting, for example. You join early in your career because you can learn about different industries, meet people around the world, and specialize later when you have more clarity. Keep the paths open and decide later.

But I’ve realized that having too many paths can be just as limiting as having none. You end up walking a little way down each path, but never far enough to see where any of them actually lead.

Optionality feels safe but it can also keep you stuck.

Over the last decade, my curiosity has taken me down multiple rabbit holes: photography, branding, painting, car mechanics, product design, fashion, import and export, body language, and in the last 5 years, building software.

People often ask me why I chose to work on what I’m working on. The answer is not that deep, it’s because I care. Whatever you care about will become important to you, and everything else will naturally follow.

I care about thoughtfully designed things, so I learned design and curation. I care about capturing the moments that matter, so I picked up photography. I care about what goes into my body, so I learned to cook. I care about the place I live in, so I travelled the world, and built Gullie.

I didn’t have a master plan, I just followed what I cared about.

Looking back, caring was the compass. I just didn’t realize I was following it.

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So how do you actually build conviction?

I don’t think there’s a formula. But there are a few things I’ve noticed.

It takes momentum. No one gains conviction in an evening. You get curious, you talk to people, you read things, you do a small project, and each of these gives you a little more clarity. You don’t wait for conviction to start. You start, and conviction follows.

It takes the right people around you. Who you surround yourself with matters more than I ever gave it credit for. You need people who challenge you and expand how you think, not people who shoot down your ideas before they’re fully formed. Write your thoughts down. Share them. Test them.

It takes sustained interest. Not a fleeting obsession, but something you keep coming back to even when it’s hard. The question “what about this other thing?” doesn’t hit as hard when you’re genuinely excited about what you’re doing.

It takes emotional alignment. Your head and your heart have to point in the same direction. You’ll always have doubts. But your conviction should outweigh them. Not eliminate but outweigh them.

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Borrowed Conviction

You can’t fake conviction.

Conviction based on what sounds impressive or what other people expect of you is borrowed conviction. And borrowed conviction collapses under pressure.

Following what everyone else says will not give you your own conviction. It will give you the convictions of the loudest people. You have to do the work yourself. Read, build, fail, ask questions, and slowly form your own view. It’s slower, but it’s yours.

There were many things I wanted growing up, but I didn’t fill in the details on how to get there. In part because I didn’t know how, and in part because I wasn’t ready yet. So I was left with a vision board of a life I wanted, but no real plan.

Now with where I’m at with my career and finances, I’m finally finding clarity on how to design the life I want and actually make it happen. It often starts with the smallest steps. Changing your routines so you become that version of yourself you’ve always visualized. If you want to be a healthy person, you start adopting the habits of one. If you want to become a securely attached person, you hold on to that narrative and start shifting your behaviors accordingly.

You become who you want to be by acting like it before you feel ready.

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Pruning Paths

Perhaps these are thoughts that creep up as you inch closer to 30. As much as I feel like I have time, getting older makes you more deliberate in the paths you choose and the ones you don’t.

Success looks different for everyone. But usually, it’s being able to live the life you’ve always wanted, however you define it. I know this post is coming a little late. The year has already started. But I’m Chinese, so I’ll just say I was waiting for Chinese New Year. :)

I spent most of my early 20s exploring, walking down as many paths as I could, collecting pieces of myself along the way. That was right for then. Now, I’m ready to prune and let go of the versions of my future self I no longer have an interest in becoming. To stop keeping every option open and finally stand still on the path that feels like mine.

Something I saw on the internet:

By letting go of my perfectly unexplored branches on the tree of life, I ended up becoming myself.

Focus is a superpower. And the bar for what you choose to focus on should be incredibly high. I like where my focus is headed, and who I’ve become. And I’m excited to see who I’ll be by the end of this year. Not because I kept every path open, but because I finally chose. :)