lessons on love
a running list of things I have learnt
spent the last week in paris and of course, i spent a chunk of time thinking about love.
the most important decision you’ll make in life is who your partner is. while I am no expert in love, I have kept a running list of things I have learnt along the way:
— on dating & finding love —
some people come into your life to remind you what you want, not to give it to you
your armor protects you but it also keeps love out
you are your own person before you’re a partner
the best thing you can do for your partner is to show up for yourself first, so remember to fill your own cup
closure is something you give yourself
actions speak louder than words - believe them when they show you who they are
you cannot build a healthy relationship with a person who has not done the work on themselves
if it is meant to be, nothing you do can stop it from happening. if it is not meant to be, there is nothing you do can do to make it work
what is meant for you will never miss you
date someone who treats you better than your friends & family do
dating is supposed to be the fun and easy part
worry more about whether you like them, instead of whether they like you
the process of falling in love is just as wonderful as being in love
the right person will make your nervous system feel calm, not chaotic
find people who make you more excited to live life
you will never be too much / not enough for the right person
do not shrink yourself to make someone else comfortable
choose people who choose you
people can only meet you as deeply as they meet themselves, vice versa
silence is also an answer
do not let people show you twice that they do not care
chemistry is not the same as commitment
you cannot love someone into choosing you
understanding someone does not mean waiting for them
— on long-term love & relationships —
love is a choice. no one is perfect and no relationship is easy, but if two people want to make it work, they will
love is in the details, not the grand gestures. it’s the day to day that matters and remembering the little things
substance, depth, integrity, dignity, intelligence, compassion among others, are what is truly valuable in a partner
love is built over time, have patience to get to know people (like peeling off the layers from an onion!)
every relationship takes a lot of compromise. it always looks better on the outside
love is not enough. timing, alignment, lifestyles and goals in life are just as important
everyone loves differently (look up the 5 love languages, and attachment styles)
you cannot rely on someone else to make you happy
relationships take work, but they shouldn’t be work
you marry the whole family, not just the person
you must love someone for who they are, not for who you want them to be - aka fall in love with who they are and not their potential
there are actually very few dealbreakers in relationships. at its core, if you have the same values — everything can be discussed and worked out. some of the most important qualities are being patient, kind and empathetic.
having the same religion and world view helps tremendously
hold space for those who held space for you. men or women, everyone needs someone to hold space for them
no love is unconditional, perhaps except a parent’s love for their child
how they treat their parents is an indicator of how they will treat you and your future family
time is the most valuable gift
remind yourself to see the good, because over time it’s easy to take them for granted and focus on the negatives
you can’t fix them
sometimes the greatest act of love is letting go
the most important thing you can gift to your kids is a good relationship with yourself, and then a good relationship with your partner
retrospectively, everything always makes sense
will update as I continue my loving people in my little life :)
bonus: a pic of my favourite couple who taught me so much about love (my parents!)
